Some years ago as we were finishing a hearty meal with a
group of friends, one of the guests, an elderly gentleman and beloved member of
the congregation, said, "Well, now I have something to say." That caused a
pause in the lively banter and conversation of the meal and we all
became silent, awaiting and curious as to what announcement Martin was about to
make, as Martin was not one to waste words.
Then he said, "You don't have to pray for me anymore, I'm
fine", and he said this quite
emphatically.
Martin was living with the reality of cancer and his name
had been on the prayer list and included in the prayers of the Church for the
last several months. We were somewhat
dumbfounded at this request to "not" be prayed for, rather than a
more usual request for and thankfulness that he was being prayed for.
It turned out that Martin was embarrassed to hear his name
mentioned publicly in the prayers. I supposed this was at least partially a
reflection of an ingrained humility which was almost bred into him from his
Norwegian Lutheran heritage and upbringing.
So we just continued to pray for him "in secret".
More recently we experienced negative feedback from someone
for telling her we were praying for her.
Judy told this person she had been praying for her and found out that
this was taken as an insult, a sort of indication that we thought there was
something wrong with her.
So is there a risk in saying
"I'll pray for you" to someone? I have always thought there is, but more along
the lines of my own failure to remember to pray. Like in, "Oh no, I said I would pray for
Jim, but the truth is, I haven't thought about Jim nor prayed for him for days
now"!
Of course, I suspect I also have creeping doubts that my
intercessory prayer will do any good! Yet, I try!
Try to remember to pray daily for those who are most beloved and closest
to me, especially my children and grand kids - though they generally don't know
that I am praying for them. It is done
in secret, so to speak.
Occasionally we also find ourselves praying for people who
themselves don't believe in prayer. Well,
Jesus did say something about going into our closet and praying in secret… so we can be a bit subversive about it all -
no need to tell the other that we are praying for them.
Douglas Steere, a Quaker, wrote in his classic book, Dimensions of Prayer,[1]
"Intercession is
the most intensely social act of which the human being is capable. When carried on secretly, it is mercifully
preserved from, in fact, almost immunized against, the possible corruptions to
which all outer deeds of service for others are subject."
I sometimes feel like I am coping out by saying "I'll pray
for you", because there is so much the other person (s) may need that I
can do nothing about but to pray. If I
am moved to pray for Syrian refugees, for example, I am tempted to wonder what
possible good my little pittance of a prayer will do. But then I am prompted to respond with about
the only action available to me… i.e. write a check to a trusted relief agency
like Lutheran World Relief.
Douglas Steere also wrote, "If we want to stay out of
personal involvement, intercessory prayer should be instantly scratched from
our list; there is nothing that brings us into the scene like intercessory prayer,
even when it is done entirely in secret."
What happens when we pray is that our souls are
interconnected … and, in turn, we are
connected with God. I don't always know
what the deepest need of the other person is, but God does, so I can simply pray
for him or her…. "according to their need".
Tennyson, the poet, wrote… "More things are wrought by
prayer than this world dreams of…."
