Getting Back on Track

This new year of 2022 did not start out as planned.  Today I am five weeks out from a complicated major surgery, two hospitalizations, and a slow and painful recovery.  I had been having bouts of fatigue for months.  But, with medical professionals who got to the root of the problem and good care, I am gaining strength for today and hope for tomorrow. 

On this Valentine’s Day I am so thankful for Judy, the love of my life, the one who has carried me through some rough patches these last several years.  When I have felt listless and lack of purpose, she has been here to do almost everything for me. It has tired her out, but she is strong and full of compassion!

I recently read “Yes to Life” by Victor Frankle, who wrote: …that someone is tired and exhausted, is not enough of a reason to stop in their tracks.  Rather, everything depends on whether carrying on does have meaning, which makes it worth overcoming and continuing to live despite persistent ‘world weariness’.

Thank you, Judy, for your love and caring.  And thanks to so many friends and family for their words of encouragement and prayers.  

My Day With Nurse Ratched

 

 

I was introduced to my nurse for the day at 7am shift change.  Awakened from deep sleep by blindingly bright florescent lights from the ceiling above.  Half awake, I heard the night nurse, “This is Jaime your nurse for the day.”  I said, “Hi”, looking at her blankly.  They moved on.  I was now awake – no more getting back to sleep.

I’d been on Morphine for pain, a very small dose on request.  Every nurse the last 3 days just gave it to me without question.  There has to be an interval of 3 hours.  At 7:30 I asked Nurse Jaime for my pain med.  It had been 7 hours since my last dose.  She looked at me like I was a drug addict.  “I’m going to do an assessment”, she said.  She listened to my lungs, looked at my feet and asked my pain level.  About 7 was my reply.

Morphine is very addictive was her comment.  A refrain she repeated throughout the day.  I told her it’s on my orders and the pain is quite intense. She responded that Morphine could cause constipation and confusion.  Did you have a BM yesterday?  She had me there.  No BM.  I have not had food for 3 days so what is there to pass?  After a few more fruitless comments I asked if she was denying my request.  I’m not denying it, I’m doing an assessment she replied.  I was tired and said, “Okay; forget it.”

I asked for pain meds at least 2 more times during the day without success.  Once I woke up and saw Nurse Jaime was talking to Judy.  I again asked for Morphine.  She could not give it because I was sleeping - it was too risky.  I said, “But I’m not sleeping now.”  “What’s your pain level?”, she asked.  My reply was about 8.  She stared at me. I asked her if she’d checked the chart of pain levels of 1-10?  I had studied that chart in the ER a few days ago.  I reminded her that 7 to 9 is extreme pain.  Her response was that a number is not everything!  I can give you Tylenol.  I accepted her offer.

Later I was woken up again by bright lights in the ceiling.  She had urgency in her voice.  “I see your wife has left. Do you live far from here?  She needs to come get you.”  I thought it was midnight and something drastic had happened I couldn’t understand.  It was only 3:30 pm and I was being discharged.  Within an hour I was saying my fond goodbyes.

Judy drove me home where I fell into my recliner, exhausted.  I took a couple Tylenol.  Reflecting on the day, I asked Judy what was the name of the nurse in the movie, “One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest”?  I looked it up.  Her name was Nurse Ratched!

Jerry – Feb.2,2022

P.S. I might be confused, but I’m not constipated!