The writer, Roger
Rosenblatt, is eighty-five years old. In 2000, he published a book called “Rules for Aging,” a sort
of how-to guide for navigating the later years of one’s life. He was sixty at
the time and thought he knew a thing or two about being old. Twenty-five years
later, he has a sequel, which reflects advice for growing very, very
old. In a recent New York Times opinion piece, he gave ten tips of advice for people
as old as he is, like me at 86. But the
advice is really good for any age.
These tips are
humorous and laced with wisdom. They apply
to my life – with my own take on them.
1.
Nobody’s thinking about you.
It was true 25 years ago, and it’s true today. Nobody is
thinking about you. Nobody ever will. Not your teacher, not your minister, not
your colleagues, not your shrink, not a soul. It can be a bummer of a thought.
But it’s also liberating. That time you fell on your butt in public? That dumb
comment you made at dinner last week? That brilliant book you wrote? No one is
thinking about it. Others are thinking about themselves. Just like you.
My
take: Do you ever notice how often you
tell someone about something that has happened to you, and they immediately talk
about themselves and what happened to them?
It happens to me all the time. Their story is so much more interesting
than mine! I count it as a blessing that
I have a handful of friends that actually do think about me and listen. And that includes my wife!
2. Make young friends.
For older folks, there
is nothing more energizing than the company of the young. They’re bright,
enthusiastic, informative and brimming with life, and they do not know when
you’re telling them lies.
My take: This is so true. I am blessed to have grandkids that are
really fun to be around and to talk with.
They are studying and thinking about things that didn’t even exist when
I was young. And sometimes they are even
interested in my opinion – a real plus.
3.
Try to see fewer than five doctors.
I wish I could follow this rule myself, but once I grew old, my
relationship with the practice of medicine changed significantly. I now have
more doctors than I ever thought possible — each one specializing in an area of
my body that I had been unaware existed. They compete with one another for
attention. This week’s contest is between my kidneys and my spleen. I know all
these doctor visits are prudent and inevitable. But when one’s social life
consists of Marie, who takes my blood, and an M.R.I. technician named Lou, it’s
hardly a good sign.
My take: I don’t even have one doctor! They are called PCPs these days – primary care
providers. It’s not that I don’t want a
PCP, it’s that after one visit they leave.
New Mexico has a major problem that way.
Good doctors leave the state because of liability insurance and law suits. (The
trial lawyers lobby against any laws to change this). But I have been blessed to have good doctors
when I needed them – especially six years ago when I had several emergency surgeries. At present I don’t need any specialists so
when I do see a PCP, she says that everything is going well – just keep doing
what you’re doing!
I am proud of grandson
Henry who is in his third year in medical school and aiming to be a surgeon. He talks about things he is learning and I am
fascinated, though often don’t fully know what he’s talking about. And that’s all right!
4. Get a dog.
Just do it. Dogs are
rarely trouble. They take more naps than you do, and they listen to you
intently. That’s because they think you might have food, to satisfy their
bottomless appetites. Care not about their motives. No creature on Earth will
ever find you more fascinating than your dog does. I’m excluding yourself, of
course.
My take: Fully agree! Our little
mutt, Tupence, is our constant companion.
She is always trying to figure out what we are talking about and gets
extremely enthusiastic about the little things in life – example “let’s take a
walk!”. Only downside is that we outlive
them, at least so far, and it is a sad thing to let go of such a good friend.
5.
Don’t hear the cheers.
This applies at any age, really, but perhaps a little more to
people in later life, who are given lifetime achievement awards and other
statements of how wonderful they are. Pay no attention to those accolades. Just
proceed to live the life you’re living, giving it whatever it requires.
One
makes a great mistake believing the grand things said about him or her, even if
those things are true. Especially if they’re true. The important thing, at any
age, is to do the work. The work is far more satisfying than a truckload of
compliments. It also takes the place of self-love, always a good thing. (But
don’t worry. You’re still fabulous.)
My take: I do a fair amount of reminiscence about my
life, and sometimes read through my journals of the past, or write on the blog
like I’m doing here. Letting go of the
need for recognition and control is the most freeing thing I can do to get the
most out of life right now – thankful for a life that has been very ordinary – yet
fulfilling.
6. Everyone’s in pain.
If you didn’t know that
before, you know it now. People you meet casually, those you’ve known all your
life, the ones you’ll never see — everyone’s in pain. If you need an excuse for
being kind, start with that.
My take: Everybody likes to talk about their aches and
pains, especially but not only old people.
It just takes one question to prompt a telling of their history with knees,
hips, shoulders and lower back pain. I
find that all the time on the pickle ball court, and those “seniors” are among the
healthier ones!
7.
Listen for Bob Marley.
You have
more free time to observe and appreciate the world these days, so do it.
My
take: Every day, indeed! I like the Bobs – both Dylan and Marley, and
listen to them occasionally. Our preference is classical. Many sources available – radio, streaming, CD
and even long play records collected long ago.
I also sing in the choir at church, and at home by myself with the
guitar – old songs. In my next life I want to be a musician! Maybe the best is listening to the song birds
in the early morning.
8.
Join a gang.
This advice is meant for men more than women, because women are
always part of one group or another. The value of socializing comes to women
naturally, which is why the world would be better if women ran it. They know
how to get along in groups. Men, on the other hand, are solitary, static
things. Generals without wars, astride iron horses. They don’t band together
naturally, but they ought to, especially when too much solitude leads to
self-conscious gloom. Join a gang — that’s what I say. I do not mean a motorcycle
gang, simply a group of guys who share an interest. Joining a gang also serves
society at large. It keeps us off the streets.
My
take: I have several gangs. One is a group of about fifteen pickle ball
players who gather every weekday morning to play. All of them in their sixties and seventies,
except for Mike and me in our mid-eighties.
Pickle ball is the best invention ever for keeping seniors active, and
it is a very sociable activity. The
other place that gives opportunity for meaningful interaction and relationships
is our church community.
9.
On regrets.
They’re part of life. Learn to live with them.
My
take: Yes, I have a few.
10.
Start and end every day by listening to Louis Armstrong.
“West End Blues” or anything, really. I won’t tell you why. But
you’ll thank me.
My
take: A morning ritual is good. Mine usually starts by listening to a meditative
song on a prayer app. Our end-of-day
ritual is often to do the NYT mini crossword puzzle together. Just keep the
brain going, you know.
