My Brother Vern

 

 

I’ve been thinking about words to describe my brother and honor him on his 87^th birthday.  Norwegian/American might do as a starter.  We have had quite different lives, but we did descend from the same gene pool that came from rural Norway to rural Minnesota in the 1840s; 100% Norse we think, until proven that we aren’t quite that pure.  

LaVerne Donald Aaker was born December 31, 1933; the darkest time of the year and during the depression, one of the darkest times of the 20th century. Mom was at the Aaker farm where grandparents Olaf and Ella lived.  Everybody went to a New Year’s Eve gathering at Roy Voxlands, (can you imagine that rip roaring party? – coffee and cake at 10 o’clock).  Hilda stayed home with mom and helped to deliver the baby before mid-night. Probably boiled the water! The doctor told dad to hang a lantern on the mailbox so he would know where to turn in on the dark snowy nigh.  He was brought home later in a basket.   Anyway, that’s the story we heard from Hilda.

Yes, nights were dark on the farm during the years of his childhood.  He did chores and homework by the light of lanterns and candles, really until well into his teens.  The great depression years were hard times, but our parents were not depressed in spirit – they had hard work to do to save enough to buy the 100-acre farm and raise a family.  Vern found himself at an early age carrying his part of the load.  Besides the Norse blood line, it was culture and surroundings that had the biggest sway; parents that taught hard work, faith and frugality by example.  Long days – up early to help milk the cows and feed the pigs, and into the evening to feed the calves and throw down hay for the cows to chew on during the night.  Sundays were exempt from work; always observing a day of rest on the Sabaoth. (except for chores, of course).

At age six he was off to Dovre, the one room country school about a mile from the farm, to learn reading, writing, arithmetic, geography and Minnesota history.  We walked across the fields often facing cold winds blowing from the North.  All eight grades were taught by one teacher. Vern’s class had four students I think, including cousin Bob Aaker.

 In those times the school year was shorter than the full nine months of these days.   Farmers needed help for spring work and harvesting in the fall.

 LaVerne was a good student in grade school and also at Kenyon High though I haven’t run across any of his report cards.  I just know he was a better student then me and was a role model for me to try to do better. In high school he tried out for football, and not knowing what to say when Coach Fredrickson asked what position he wanted to play; coach said, “Vern you’re going to be a quarterback”.  We can see the family in 1949 in the picture below. The 16-year-old looks strong and broad shouldered – maybe

Vern, dad, mom,
Jerry, Lois,
 Jean

a result of conditioning for football, but more likely because of hard work on the farm.

He also worked in the “pea pack”, a job that built up his muscles even more. When we “wrestled” on the living room floor or in the hay mow, he could easily pin me, all in fun.   

In about 1950 he made an adventurous trip with Bob and Harris Hostager in a 1932 Chevrolet - all the way to Seattle to attend a Luther League convention.  I remember the parents of the three worrying and wondering if they would get over the big mountains in Montana.  Not that they had ever seen mountains themselves.  After a record number of flat tires, they returned home safely and probably made a report to the congregation.  Those youth conventions were often “mountain top” experiences and changed lives.  Harris went on to become a Lutheran minister, maybe in part because of that convention experience.  Did Vern ever contemplate that calling?

 He decided to go to Luther College at the nudging of Uncle Maynard, so after graduation from High School in 1952 he was off to Decorah.  I don’t know much about those two years at Luther except that he met a farm girl by name of Donna Hatlestad from LeRoy, Minnesota who was studying to be an elementary teacher.  At some point he brought her home to meet the family – an indication that this was really getting serious.   

Sister Jean remembers it like this:

 

“When Vern went to college, I went to 1st grade.  No kindergarten at Dovre. So, my memories of Vern are not on the farm but more when he was in high school and beyond.  If he wouldn't have ventured off to Luther, where might we have gone to college?  I'm certainly glad he followed Maynard's nudging.

 

I remember Donna coming to visit but can't exactly recall the first time. But I do remember when she started teaching in Kenyon.

 

I was always so clueless but very interested when my 5th grade teacher and the 2nd grade teacher named Ms. Hatlestad moved next door to Grandma and Grandpa's at Berdella Ness' s house in Kenyon.   At that time teachers were encouraged to visit homes and mom invited those two out for supper.  I was thrilled and loved it.  I remember them trying to explain day light savings time to me.... I wouldn't accept that you could just change time so easily”. 

 

 Lois adds this memory of that time:

‘I remember when Vern brought Donna home and that was the first time a girl friend had ever been brought to our house.  I’m sure I gawked at her.  I think I stood behind the stove in the kitchen (do you remember how we used to do that?) and listened to the conversation but probably didn't participate in any of it.  It was probably nerve wracking for Verne but I think they were already pretty serious before he brought her home.”

Donna's memory of first meeting the family. 

It was in August between my freshman and sophomore year at college.  I was working in Rochester that summer and Verne came and brought me to visit.  Your mom was working and I only remember Lois and Kathy were there.  Lois had made brownies but had used salt instead of sugar which embarrassed her.  Your mom had bulk salt for pickles so it was an easy mistake.  I must have stayed for supper but don’t remember it.  As for one word to describe Verne, that’s hard.  But loving stands out for me. 

Judy’s reminiscence:

“I met Vern’s family in June, 1963 when Jerry brought me to the farm.  We went swimming in a lake near Faribault and I remember thinking ‘these Aaker men sure are handsome’. My words to describe Vern are understanding and easy to be around”

In 1955, after two years at Luther, Vern enlisted in the United States Army.  So why would he interrupt his college education and leave his sweetheart behind for two years? 

                                                                            I think in those years young men felt

they might eventually be drafted anyway, so why not go ahead and enlist and come out with the advantages of the GI Bill to help pay for college. 

He did a tour of duty in Japan and from what I understand he had a pretty cushy job – with his own jeep and driver, in fact.  He looked at Japan as a positive experience, and indeed came out of the service with government aid to help finish his college education, this time at St. Olaf College. Again, I followed his lead and went into the Army right out of high school. And, of course, I went to Luther College as well!

Donna and Vern were married in May, 1957 and I was there, standing by his side.  In February, 1958 their first child, Cindy Marie, arrived to live with them in student housing in Northfield. He graduated from St. Olaf that Spring and got a job in the county welfare office in Rochester.

They bought their first house for a price of what we pay for a car these days. Dad thought it was pretty neat that he had a job with a pay check every month – of course, interested to know how much that was. 

I remember driving with Vern and Donna to Omaha to help with their move to that city where he studied and earned an MSW from the University of Nebraska in 1964. 

 

Following the Biblical injunction, Donna and Vern were fruitful and multiplied!  We see here the growing family in 1969, from which have sprung many grandchildren and now great grandchildren. It has been as a brother, son, husband, father, and grandfather that he has lived out the values he inherited from home, church and family in that rural community so many years ago. 

And these same ideals served him well in a long career of service to community and people in need through social work, his chosen profession.

But this is not intended to be a career resume nor a family tree for I would certainly leave too many gaps.  Rather I return to the question, “what words can we use to characterize this man?”  I start with those that I and many others have observed. These relate to his chosen life work:

To do good social work one must have the capacity for empathy and good relationships, and it certainly helps to have compassion and be a good listener.  These are not only professional qualities but personal values that were lived out in Vern’s interactions with all who have been close to and experienced knowing Vern.

I would call him a quiet man, modest and thoughtful. He is not one to interrupt others in conversation when he can’t get a word in edgewise as his family happily chats around him while he listens.  Hearing and sight have diminished a bit with age, but we know he is musing about the important things in life – especially the gift of a long life and a wonderful family. 

Adjectives like these and others were recurring themes when I asked his children, sisters and Judy for words that come to mind when thinking of Vern.  Several said understanding and respectful, and the word kind got the most votes.  Others mentioned were wise and a positive role model. 

I agree. Someone once taught me the importance of putting the best construction on the actions and words of the neighbor, based on several of the commandments – i.e., do not bear false witness, covet, or steal.  This is an outlook that leads to a positive attitude toward life, self and other people. I thought than and still think, “well that’s my brother”.  He refrains from saying negative things about others and avoids gossip and criticism. 

Karen summed it up well writing, “I’ll say devoted.  He’s devoted to God, devoted to Donna and devoted to our family”.  Cindy chose genuine and Mark said patience.  What a wonderful affirmation for a parent to receive from their children. 

They bought and fixed up a cabin on Lake Eunice soon after they moved to Fargo.  The best investment they ever made. Everyone in the family has fond memories of summers at the lake.

Below we see two old geezers standing on the lake shore in the summer of 2018.

Ie 

I write this during the last week of what most consider a very dark year – 2020, the year of the pandemic. This year we all have experienced separation and isolation, anxiety and concern, lest we become infected with the Corona Virus. So, Vern and Donna have been “hunkered down”, yet they delight in the loving attention given them by their children, grandchildren, and siblings, and especially the joy of seeing the next generation of babies appearing on the scene.

 

Happy 87^th birthday, Vern.

 

 

Jerry, December 31, 2020