Facing Mortality at 86

 

“Death is no respecter of love.”

While I write this on the eve of my 86^th birthday, two houses away our neighbor and good friend Bill, who is 93, lies in bed weakened by cancer and facing the transience from this life to eternity. We are praying for his comfort and peace at the last.  His wife, Karen, at his side as she has been for 38 years – now caring for his every need as best she can.  Several months ago, our good friend Peter died, also of cancer.  Paula his beloved wife and helpmate for 60 years is now in mourning - left with a lifetime of memories – “I miss, miss, miss him so!” she wrote.

It is a hard thing to lose the love of your life, and this is what the book I just read is mostly about, though it is also about the conversion to Christianity of the author and his wife.

I just finished reading Sheldon Vanauken’s book, A Severe Mercy: A Story of Faith, Tragedy, and Triumph – which has left me with much to ponder as I contemplate the themes of this superb work about life, death and grief, and above all, love.   This is a memoir and true story of Vanauken's marriage and relationship with his wife, Davy. It begins upon their meeting and idealized love where they literally vowed to share everything – and did.  Along the road he explains how they entered into their "pagan love" and formed a “shinning barrier” against all that would separate them.  But they moved on to a different understanding of their relationship during their time in Oxford where he studied literature and history, and, because of the people who become their friends and extensive reading, explored and chose to become Christians.  One of the authors they read happened to be right there at Oxford, CS Lewis.  Thus began a lifelong friendship with an exchange of many letters, about 20 of which are included in the book.

Back in the States Davy is stricken by a viral disease of the liver which is terminal, and Sheldon deals with deep questions of why this young woman has to die.  The second half of the book is about her death and the way of grief.

The quote above is one short line out of many notable quotes from the book.  Another, which references the title of the book, came from a letter to him from CS Lewis, who told Vanauken… “You have been treated with a severe mercy. You have been brought to see (how true & how very frequent this is!) that you were jealous of God. So, from US you have been led back to US AND GOD; it remains to go on to GOD AND US.” 

Then the author goes on to say, “That death, so full of suffering for us both, suffering that still overwhelmed my life, was yet a severe mercy. A mercy as severe as death, a severity as merciful as love.”

Severe Mercy was published in 1977 and I’m not sure why it has taken me so long to read it, as it has many quotes and letters from CS Lewis.  While in England in 1960-61 I read and was changed by reading books by Lewis – that is, moved to a more mature understanding of Christianity in my life. But I would guess that many of my Christian friends would not have read Vanauken either, though we were all fans of Lewis. 

Vanauken tells of how he and his wife Davey when they were studying in Oxford, met and were influenced by Lewis as they moved to make the choice to become Christians.  The writing about it is poignant and thought provoking. One which I have seen referenced many times but didn't realize it came from Vanauken is this:

 “The best argument for Christianity is Christians: their joy, their certainty, their completeness. But the strongest argument against Christianity is also Christians--when they are sombre and joyless, when they are self-righteous and smug in complacent consecration, when they are narrow and repressive, then Christianity dies a thousand deaths.  But, though it is just to condemn some Christians for these things, perhaps, after all, it is not just, though very easy, to condemn Christianity itself for them."

There is an abundance of reviews of this classic online, written by both Christian and secular reviewers. Many tell of how the book impacted them personally. There were numerous touching images, some written in poems by both Sheldon and Davey, and intimate scenes like the one of the moment Davey dies.

While facing the reality of the death everyone faces, I am thankful to have come to 86 years of life in a good place physically, emotionally and spiritually.  Life is full of blessings that I am aware of every day, especially that of having the love of my life, Judy, at my side every day. I am comforted by the promise of the Gospels.